Did I Know?
In my next poem, "Did I Know?," I continue to reflect on the darker side of love. Sometimes we slip into relationships and situations that can damage our lives and the lives of others. This could be an old heart's desire or maybe a person that you have immediate, unexplained chemistry and connection with. Before we are totally aware, we may have crossed over into a space where we don't belong.
This darker side of love is not sanctioned by God. It will never bring us where we should be or where God wants us to be. It is forcing something that God has not intended, so eventually it will lead to disappointment, hurt and heartbreak. We then come to wonder why our minds did not protect us or warn us of the danger. Or, were we just not listening? Did we know? In Romans 7 we see the Apostle Paul struggle with sin, in doing something wrong that he knows is wrong. He doesn't want to give in, but he does anyway. Just as he, we are frail creatures with even frailer strength of will. Only with God can we find our strength and courage to conquer the challenges we face each and every day.
I wrote this poem with these thoughts in mind.
Did I Know?
Did my heart know your words were futile?
Did my logic know your actions would be brutal?
Did my judgement feel the danger that we tread?
Did my intuition sense to pull away, not to be led?
Did my ears hear the words had no meaning?
Did my eyes see only a vapid specter fleeting?
Did my touch feel only what had once been?
Did my lips linger longer denying this sin?
Did my perception construe the lost years as new?
Did my mind process the sweet promises were untrue?
Did my body acknowledge it's yearning was from lost years?
Did my trust decide to surrender all of my fears?
Did my conscience reflect and acknowledge the blame?
Did my feelings neglect to know the shame?
Did my emotions get confused thinking I could wait?
Did my soul realize it was already too late?
Did I know this love could never now be?
Did my emptiness fill briefly, but now the void to see?
Did I know fully this would be all pretend?
Did my spirit whisper you are here once again?
Did I know all along it would finally end?
For without God's sanction, together we could never win.
I can resist temptation only with God
Otherwise, it is a treacherous tenuous path I will trod
-Dr. Rhonda Milner
"I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength."
"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'"
"For no word from God will ever fail.”
"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."