Tears Beneath

I often write about my 25-year-old son who died in April 2011, as he remains an impactful subject of my writings. The years have assuaged the pain, but underneath, it still remains. I carry tears just beneath the surface. But I go on through life continuing to enjoy each day as a gift from God.

Deep loss never really leaves us. It becomes integrated into our very being and who we are. There can be a blessing attached. Through our loss, we can become a more sensitive and compassionate person. The suffering ignites growth within us. For myself, I look back at the person I was and am thankful for the person I’ve become today despite the pain of loss. That is not to say I am glad my son died, I wish him back every day, but I can thank God for the blessing of the person I’ve become.

Tears Beneath

My tears remain under the surface just beneath
Their presence has meaning, meant to teach
I’ve since gotten used to living this way
They have their own mind and will, I don’t have a say

On the outside you may see smiles that I send
I still feel joy and happiness, it’s not pretend
But underneath the sorrow still lurks and lives
Depth of feeling, empathy, and compassion to me it gives

Oddly this grief is my old friend, I know so well
Lives and breathes a secret blessing I want to share and tell
You say wouldn’t I give up wearing this dark badge of loss?
As I have endured this pain and suffering at such great cost

Fleeting years have long passed, gone by
Every day I still question the reasons why
But who I am today, I would not be
I now have the special gifts to acutely hear and see

So in God’s loving mercy and grace
I can thrive, though I no longer see my beloved’s face
I place all my trust and faith in serving Him
Through God each day, I am able to start and begin again

-Dr. Rhonda Milner

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
Mathew 17:20-21

“Everything is possible for one who believes.”
Mark 9:23

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:13

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